My son says he loves me...even though I question myself daily.
“Mom, I love you a lot. A lot a lot. Like to a hundred! Actually, more than that. I love you as much as how many stars are in the sky. And that’s really a lot!”
With tears in my eyes I told him that I love him as much as all the stars in the sky too. And I felt like my heart may explode at any moment.
I question myself as a mom often. Every decision, I weigh the pros and cons and try my damndest to make the best decision possible. Sometimes, even with all of the back and forth consideration, it ends up being the wrong one. And I feel like I run out of patience too quickly. I let them have too much screen time when I need to get stuff done. I do too much for them and they don’t get to explore their independence enough. Or I don’t do enough and expect too much from them. There’s no guidebook and no right answer when it comes to parenting. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and surely ever will do.
I’ve had some difficult moments with my kids, moments I regret. I never wanted to lose my temper and scream at them, but it’s happened. I didn’t think I would need to leave them crying in their room for a few minutes so I could go cry in mine. There are plenty of things I wish I had handled better. Different choices I should have made. Parenting is hard…did I say that already?
But then my four year old son said those words to me. He let me know that I’m doing alright. I am amazed by a child’s capacity to love and forgive. I have done something right because wow, I have two of the most kind, funny, thoughtful, sensitive, intelligent and loving children ever. I am so incredibly lucky that they are mine. We’ll have many more challenges come our way, as all families do. But as long as he loves me as much as there are stars in the sky, we’ll be okay.